Two videos below which may help educate you. There are lots on youtube which cover the topic.
Aged 69 I had to cease contact with my 72 year old elder sister who is so reminiscent of my narcissistic mother. I think what triggered it was her 40+year old son eventually left home and she was experiencing the empty nest syndrome, diverting her bossiness and control to me because he was no longer around. I mentioned to her children what had happened and they said they were surprised it didn’t happen earlier!!!… which eased my conscience. Sometimes you just have to do what you gotta do. It’s not what you want to do but often they leave you no option.
She’s always driving the agenda as she’s very anxious. I’d seen her Friday and told her specifically NOT to come to my house on Monday – my birthday – because my husband was off. Monday came and I had a local dogwalker sitting in my living room having a cuppa… I was still in my pyjamas. Front door flew open, German jackboots stomping down the hall, she planted her feet in the middle of my living room and basically shouted at me accusingly as if I was a liar “YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING OUT FOR THE DAY!!!!”. I responded quietly but firmly ‘No I didn’t, what I said was don’t come down because Patrick is off work… yet here you are.’. I was so incensed I wrote a note and dropped it in her door that evening ‘Don’t EVER come to my house again, unless invited.’…. I’ve not heard since. What makes it worse is it came from someone whose house is stuffed to the brim with all sorts of stuff she doesn’t need, you can’t get in…. and even if you could she wouldn’t let you in. Yet she has no conscience about barging into my home, shouting at me and basically calling me a liar in front of an acquaintance? That’s why I blew up in the nicest possible way and erased her off my map. I didn’t like doing it, I didn’t want to do it but I certainly wasn’t going to tolerate her abysmal behaviour. As I’m getting older I need ALL my energy for me, not to hold other people up who don’t deserve it because they’re so rude, controlling and condescending.
I was NEVER included in anything with my sister…. unless I was doing the providing. She manipulated me into hosting her family of 8 on Boxing Day – because they wanted somewhere to land and be fed free of charge. She had to manipulate me because her house is her shrine and they wouldn’t be able to get in there. But she wanted the brownie points for being a good Mum to her family so she weaseled her way into my home with 7 others. It took a couple of years to twig what was happening then I managed to cut them off short and they’ve never been back since. If they were having parties or family meals out etc I was never ever invited. I was only invited when they wanted something from me. Not having that in my life. You just gotta do the distasteful things in life sometimes, for the right reasons…. your sanity and sparing yourself from being abused. Good luck.